The Impenetrably Quagmire Part V: Bewailing the Curse

As stubborn(if not stupid) as a cow, stones, steel, table corner or whatever term which can be used to describe stubbornness, it’s somehow a very hard decision for me to have finally paid a visit to a doctor.

This is the first time I went for a doctor as far as my trip goes.

If you have been following my blog, you should know that I’m always capable(if not obstinate) of undergoing all kinds of hardship. However, I never thought that I’d be succumbed to this unknown illness. What I’m currently experiencing is totally unprecedented and I strongly believe that this must be something not to be kidded with. Something big is brewing. Instead of waiting for something to befall on me, I ought to figure out what would be happening next.

Well, I didn’t go to the hospital which I tried but quit yesterday. Instead, I went to a small clinic at Temple Road right beside the Tsuglagkhang Complex where the 14^th Dalai Lama stays. The sign pointed to the clinic writes Dr. XXX, an ex-medical officer in Dharamsala Civil Hospital. I had no idea what an ex-medical officer supposed to mean. Is he a qualified medical practitioner? Well, I told myself as long as he is a doctor, I’d go for it. After all, I didn’t have much choice, did I?

The current residence of the 14th Dalai Lama

This is the first time I had an urge to give my life totally to a doctor. I put high expectation on the doctor whom I was going to receive the diagnosis. The bed bugs bites have almost disappeared. So my current illness had nothing to do with the bed bugs. I had no idea if I should heave a sigh of relief. Perhaps I’m too desperate to find out what was happening to me and I was so reluctant to rule out the only distinct symptom that I once strongly saw as a key sign leading to the uncovering of the unknown illness. Apart from listing out and recording down all the symptoms I had on a piece of paper, afraid that I’d miss out, I even emphasized cautiously what I’m experiencing now which was unprecedented. I told the doctor that I strongly believed something big is happening. After performing an unconvincing diagnosis with me in a sitting mode, do you know what the doctor responded? ‘Upper respiratory tract infection,’ he said. What? Oh, come on! That’s not the answer I was expecting. Why didn’t he say something more convincing like dengue, malaria, yellow fever or meningitis? This is the reason I hate to see a doctor. I hate patronizing. I hate commercialization. You know what? You always have to ‘pay’ a visit to a doctor, sorry, not a visit but several visits and you will never get things right at the first visit. Why can’t the doctor in the world be a bit more professional and experienced to make things right at the first time? I was then prescribed with some paracetamol, metronidazole and antibiotic and asked to come back for a blood test if the symptoms persist. Oh, come on! You think all these medications are some kind of elixir? I’d have to come back tomorrow for sure!

I took the medicine in front of the doctor before getting back to my room. I can’t afford any delay even though I felt uncertain about the diagnosis and medication. I can’t do anything except to wait and wait for the possible recovery which only God can endow. It wasn’t until I tried to sleep(I could hardly sleep ever since I’m suffering from this unknown illness) that unprecedented acute headache and trembling struck me again. Hello! It’s still the day and the weather wasn’t cold. How could that be possible? The unrelenting headache and the irresistible trembling kept entangling me no matter how I encapsulated myself in tones of clothes and blankets. I was so pissed off that there was a moment(I presumed in my dream) that I had an urge to chop my head into two and see what’s the f**king thing inside my brain that trigger the very unbearable headache. I managed to get myself up, not to chop my head but to boil some water, putting the hope on warm water which I believed should be able to warm up my abnormal body and stop or at least lessen the extent of trembling. And you know what? Even the hot water spilt out from my cup due to my f**king shaking hand. Damn it! Arghhh…

The trembling lasted for 2 hours and I was like a machine shaking for unobtainable help. It’s interesting to learn that the trembling which normally occurred in the evening always followed by a mass sweating and I was like reborn again after everything back to normal afterwards. This phenomenon kept on cycling in a timing manner at least once every day and I was totally freak out.

McLeod Ganj, Nov'2011

When night fell, I tried to listen to the Tibetan Buddhism Chant: ‘Om Mani Padme Hum’ in an attempt to have a piece of mind and also to try to ease the sickness formed by a combination of acute headache, fever and trembling in coldness which persists no matter how much efforts I have made to stay away from them. I even tried to get up from my bed and do some meditation but in less than 1 minute, I collapsed again. I simply can’t do anything except lying on the f**king bed!

OK! OK! Enough! It’s enough! I have suffered enough! I don’t want to travel anymore! I’m going back tomorrow!