Call Me a Coward

OK! OK! OK! Pour me a bucket of cold water and call me a coward now.

I’m not going to Afghanistan.

Afghanistan flag

 From the very early overland itinerary of 1.[Mashhad(Iran)-->Herat(Afghanistan)-->Mazar-e Sharif-->Kabul-->Bamiyan-->Kabul-->Ishkashim-->Wakhan Corridor-->Ishkashim-->Khorog(Tajikistan)] to 2.[Mashhad(Iran)-->Herat(Afghanistan)-->Mary(Turkmenistan)] and to 3.[Termiz(Uzbekistan)-->Mazar-e Sharif(Afghanistan)-->Kabul-->Bamiyan-->Kabul--> Ishkashim-->Wakhan Corridor-->Ishkashim-->Khorog(Tajikistan)] and then to 4.[Khorog(Tajikistan)-->Ishkashim(Afghanistan)-->Wakhan Corridor-->Ishkashim-->Khorog(Tajikistan)], shilly-shally never stops haunting me.

Option 1 was ruled out as it involves traveling from Herat to Mazar-e Sharif where none of the three available routes(Northen, Central and Southern Route) is safe enough to travel as rumors have it that the region east to Herat and even Herat itself has become Taliban’s stronghold. It will take days to travel before reaching the first ‘safe’ town. Option 2 was given up because it doesn’t make enough sense as I never want to just visit a city when I travel to a country. Option 3 is by far the best choice and I feel most comfortable with especially in terms of safety and transportation but it took me some times to realize that I need a GBAO permit to cross the two Afghanistan/Tajikistan borders(Ishkashim and Khorog) fall under Gorno-Badakhshan region which I have no idea how to get it outside of Tajikistan. The last remaining border at Shir Khan where a GBAO permit is not necessary was ruled out as it involves passing through the notorious Kunduz region which remains volatile and insecure even if I’m willing to spend $100 to charter a taxi from Kabul straightaway to the border. Then Option 4 was drawn just for trekking in Wakhan Corridor but it is also not optimistic as I’m not sure if I can get a Tajikistan re-entry permit on top of the GBAO permit when I get to Dushanbe. And there is more hassle to come. There are only 3 blank pages left in my passport which I have reserved for China, Pakistan and India and both the Tajikistan re-entry permit and the GBAO permit are going to occupy another one or two pages in my passport. I don’t have so many available pages in my passport! There are so many barriers need to get over and there is so much hassle to deal with. Since I’m in a long journey, I’m always patient enough to deal with all the barriers and hassles on the road but the limitation and restriction especially the availability of my visa page in my passport simple leaves me no choice.

I have been suffering(trust me, I don’t even dare to elaborate the suffering until I can’t sleep for several nights) from making the last decision whether to travel to Afghanistan. From Middle East to Central Asia, from time to time, from standing to sitting, from eating to peeing, from traveling to idling, I not only found myself can’t help from switching from going and not going but also can’t stop from revising my itinerary despite my (weak)insistence to ask myself to stand firm on each of the frail decision each time I made. When I decided to call it off, I still found myself reading , studying and dreaming about Afghanistan; when I decided to go, I can’t sleep; when I put it aside, I can’t enjoy my travel. What’s the scientific term to call this ‘sickness’? I have been hauling this ‘sickness’ for the past two months.

So after some serious thoughts and deliberate judges which I have struggled hard to rule out all the possible emotional feelings, as well as for the sake of the rest of my journey, I decided to call it off. It’s time to put everything down. So I come out with the following (lame)excuses to convince myself to stop thinking about Afghanistan:-

1.       I don’t speak Dari/Pashto or Farsi. (This is definitely a lame excuse as I never see language as a barrier. But the Taliban or his sympathizers can spot me as soon as I speak out unless I remain mute all the time)

2.       I don’t know(or too stingy to get one?) how to wear a Shalwar Kameez. (I like it but also hate it! Can you imagine lifting a big backpack over it?)

3.       It’s too expensive to travel there. (Due to the presence of those international aid agencies and NGOs there which have directly boomed up the cost of living there)(Also see 1)(I don’t want to spend so much but at the end not seeing or gaining anything other than making a detour!)

4.       I’m not physically and mentally fit to fight along or against the Taliban or local warlord and chieftain.

5.       And lastly, I don’t want you to bear any bad new. (The British Cultural Centre in Kabul was just attacked by the Taliban followed by explosion and heavy gun battles which have resulted in 8 dead and 10 injured. A rocket claimed by the Taliban also landed on the Presidential Palace in Kabul the day before. To be honest, I’m not sure if, until this stage, safety is a factor for me)

I’ve been spending a week in Bahodir house here in Samarkand, Uzbekistan which I have made as the last point before venturing further. Afghanistan and Tajikistan are equally difficult to cross. I have told you about the first and as for the latter, there are so many mountain passes which are simply over 5000m and public transportation is rare.

So, I’m going to Tajikistan tomorrow. Afghanistan will definitely remain as the most anticipative country I would ever want to go. I’m going to tear down the visa off my passport! It’s f**king occupying the pages in my passport.

Can I get a refund for my Afghanistan visa?

Note: A Japanese guy whom I failed to meet up in Uzbekistan just crossed over to Mazar-e Sharif via Termiz few days ago. He should be in Kabul now as he is going to fly to Tbilisi, Georgia from Kabul. All the best for him, and also for me.